I wish I could just relax about the whole thing, and trust that God is leading me on the right path. It's good to be proactive about healing, and especially when it comes to this complicated, twisted illness (no pun intended, but spirochetes are rather twisted, aren't they?), but I find it too easy for this healing journey to become a constant place of desperation.
Truly, I get locked up in its penitentiary way too often.
W hile it's only normal for symptoms to depress, and for pain to clamor for us to take action, how much energy and time must we devote to healing Lyme disease? How often should we worry that we are doing the right thing to treat it? What about taking the time to be still, and simply trusting that God has us on the right path? Do we negate our affirmations of trust in our creator by spending more time on the Lyme disease Yahoo! groups searching for answers instead of asking God Himself for revelation? Do we take our meds with a sigh, worrying that we might never heal? Do we spend our nights desperately seeking for new answers to the problem of Lyme, instead of taking in the world around us?
Even if you don't believe in God, you might yet appreciate that striving and living in a place of dark desperation are counter-productive to healing. Anyway, should getting rid of our infections be our highest goal, or does true health reside someplace else?
Could it reside, for instance, in companionship with our creator? I mean, not all of us are going to get rid of our infections. As hard as it is for me to write that, I must acknowledge it because it is the truth. Lyme is vicious, complicated and...total eradication may only be a reality for some. And if we place all of our hope in getting rid of Lyme and in living a functional life again and it doesn't happen...well, then our happiness is postponed and desperation continues to rule our existence.
Most of us would be happier if we weren't sick, and I'm not saying we should resign ourselves to the Lyme life, apathetic to the healing of our bodies. But what if it's time to be still and trust God more for what we need on this earth? Could we embrace the belief that health is about something greater than our physical well-being?