I preface this by stating that the longer I live through chronic illness, the more I understand on a visceral level that Lyme is not just about a bunch of bugs breaking my body, but about a broken soul that has allowed some bugs to break my body. I also believe that a huge spider of emotional trauma has spun a fine web in my tissues and turned me into a biochemical disaster area. The implication of this is that healing has become for me a far more complicated issue than finding and digesting some external treatments designed to make up for what my body will not do; that is, fix the biochemical screw-ups and kill the critters.
I’m at twenty sessions with IRT, folks, and lemme tell ya, I wouldn’t be forking over fifty-five dollars a week if I didn’t think it worked. During the first three months of therapy, I experienced significant progress; six months of insomnia resolved itself; my depression and anxiety barometer went from red to green; my energy started picking up, and a few other marvelous changes occurred.
But then, around mid-February, I started to feel as though progress was slowing. By March I wondered if I was relapsing, as symptoms were creeping their way back into my body.
Still, I remained optimistic, because I had been told by a former IRT warrior that the journey could be, “Three steps forward, two steps back.” Hmmm. Now where have I heard that before?
Gary Blier, the founder of Allergy Alternatives, had also told me that the in-person session would likely be powerful, so off I trotted to Rhode Island this past week, my hopes high.
Before I continue, I need to deviate and share something here something for anyone who is considering visiting Gary Blier in person from out of town. If you are broke like me, you’ll find that the cheapest hotel by the airport and Allergy Alternative’s office is Motel 6. DO NOT go there, pretty please with ham and cheese!
Some guy who works there threatened me…I involved the police and it was not a comfy cozy situation. I don’t know if this dude is dangerous but don’t take your chances. La Quinta Inn, which is half a block down, is the next best budget option at 80$ a night.
(Yeah, still pricey but as good as it gets if you want to stay by the airport)
Anyway, Gary and his staff are compassionate, kind and helpful. I felt at ease at the AA office. During my session, Gary used muscle testing, story-telling (kind of like Jesus and his parables) and perhaps some God-given intuition to determine and remove my “healing blocks” which he believed to be spiritual.
BTW, Gary credits God for the healing miracles that happen through IRT. It’s not just about rote techniques.
Unfortunately, my “healing blocks” turned out to be tougher eggs to crack than he’d imagined, so he referred me to a spiritual helper of his and with whom I had an appointment yesterday.
Despite Gary's reassurances that the "block" didn't have to be a big deal, I couldn’t help but return home with despair tugging at my shirttails. The lie that "nothing ever works out" dies hard with me.
As I drove home from the airport at 2 AM on Weds., fatigue and the full moon lit a match to this quiet despair, and I thought, Salt/C, Rife, salt/C, herbs, and all the other Lyme treatments….these won't fix the spiritual component of my illness! What am I to do?
I've already learned that "fixing the spiritual" runs much deeper than attempts at prayer, Prozac and counseling. It requires a miracle of God or some other therapy such as IRT which taps into the subconscious and literally re-wires it.
I became afraid, thinking, If IRT doesn’t work, then I am not sure anything will, because IRT is the only therapy I know of that can so powerfully affect the subconscious. I told God, “I’m seriously going to give up after this. You’ll just have to fix me without my help if you want me well. Because I’m done, really.” (Can anyone relate?). But maybe this is just what He wants.
Why? Like I said, for me, chronic illness isn’t just about some bugs, and especially not anymore. Borrelia and Company have retreated and to my knowledge, only Bartonella remains as a member of the Important Infection Club. Yes, I am grateful, but healing the remaining symptoms feels like an unsurmountable task that only God can fix. I have a strong faith in God but also deeply entrenched lie-based thinking that is wreaking havoc with my body.
Such is this conviction that I’m tempted not to spend another dime on bug-killing supplements.
So returning from RI, I experienced a couple of days of symptom hell like I haven’t seen since pre-IRT, and partially because of two long travel days and then scrambling to attend my aunt’s funeral on Weds. The tear factory started anew. But despite the despair, I began to have the distinct feeling like something was about to change in my life. A couple of spiritual mentors have also indicated the same thing to me recently.
“You’re almost there.” Said one. And this guy has a spectacular cell phone connection to God. (Mine is pretty good when I don’t lose the battery charger ;-)
Anyway, a conversation with a couple of friends, some prayer, and then a session yesterday morning with the amazing healer Gary referred me to, (I’d call her a counselor but she’s more than that…), provided some insights into my healing "blocks" and performed muscle testing and prayer-related techniques to remove them. I won’t trouble you with the details but the long and the short of it was that after all this, I felt lighter as I discovered that my optimism and hope for healing had returned.
BTW, I write about my spiritual beliefs because these factor powerfully into my healing, and I wish to share my personal experience. I’m not interested in sparking a religious debate or stuffing my beliefs like a badly administered medicine down anyone’s throat. Just an FYI.
Yesterday was Good Friday, the day that Jesus Christ, who is the Son of God (according to my beliefs) sacrificed Himself for the sake of all humanity. Easter Sunday is the day when He rose from the dead into Heaven.
As I pondered this, I had a flash of insight. Could it be that God chose today, Good Friday, for me to “die” to my lie-based thinking, just as Christ died on this day, 2007 years ago? Would I rise with Him on Easter Sunday into new life?
When the healer with whom I spoke yesterday informed me that I might feel a change in my body after three days….that is, Easter Sunday, I revisited the aforementioned thought with enthusiasm.
Fortunately, I am already experiencing renewed belief in God’s capacity to heal me, and understanding, again in my gut of guts, that healing isn’t just about bugs. And the viscerals don't lie. The infections might be just a drop in the swimming pool now. What my immune really needs now is Life and Love.
I’m continuing with IRT because if the “roadblocks” have been torn down by God through the helpers He's sent me (I'll soon find out!), then the therapy should continue to work. Apparently I'm not the worst-case scenario and I must recall the reassurances of others who have gone through IRT and come out smiling on the other end of the therapy. I’ve still got a ways to go, but if all is free and clear, then I’ll be on the road again, in my sputtering, puttering but nevertheless forward-moving Pinto.
(No, I don’t really have a Pinto!)
It’s a journey. To be continued….