I seem to fall off the blog map on a regular basis. I guess when you write books and articles for a living, there's sometimes nothing leftover for penning the thoughts of the heart. So this time I'm just going to say, "Oh well, here I go again," and pick myself up with no obligation to myself or others but to write as God gives me grace and leads me to do so.
This year has been fraught with extraordinary challenges that have left me physically and spiritually depleted; from my sweetheart Bill's heart attack in January, to an unexpected move from Colorado to Texas, to months-long health challenges that chewed up months of my time and took many dollars to fix, to writing a 400-page book for an integrative cancer doctor and learning a third part-time job. Fortunately, God has pulled me through and Bill and I have emerged from the battles victorious.
Still my workload is as ridiculous as ever. I've found it challenging to make ends meet because I spend a boatload of money every month to stay well, but the supplements I take and the therapies I do compensate for the damage that illness has done to my body. Ten years of severe chronic illness have left me vulnerable to setbacks, and let's face it, there's a lot of junk in the environment nowadays. God has given me the foresight to understand that simply eating our veggies is no longer sufficient for many of us to maintain wellness, and that we need to do other things to heal or remain well.
I've been criticized for preaching that God heals supernaturally on the one hand, while still taking my vitamins and herbs on the other. But all things are supernatural if they have the anointing of God upon them, and God uses medicine to heal as much as He uses prayer. I've found that the issue isn't so much what you do to get well, but in whom you put your trust. My trust and focus are fixed firmly upon God and right now, God has given me grace to maintain my health with remedies, at the same time that I rely upon His Spirit to guide me and heal the deeper layers of brokenness within me. Wellness is a lifelong journey, and in this blog, I hope to be able to continue sharing what He shows me.
And right now, I believe God is trying to teach me how to find balance in my life. It's not an area where I've achieved victory yet, but He has been showing me of late that balance is crucial for my wellbeing. In particular, He has been nudging me to spend more time nurturing my heart and the relationship with Him, and to share the lessons that He's been teaching me daily.
I can't live to work, no matter how anemic my bank account is; I can't isolate and relegate conversations with friends to whenever I happen to have an hour or two leftover at the end of the month. I can't put my relationship with God and the ministry He's called me to do on the back burner. I've been tempted to do so, because the demands of life press in and the tyranny of the urgent pulls me away from my spirit and soul food, and the voice of reason within tells me I must make a living. But to make a living only to have no life? ....Well, what's the point?
We were created first and foremost for relationship with God, and were put on this earth to share His love with others. Yet if you are like me, you might find that at times, rest, recreation and time spent with God become the "leftovers" of your life; what you do when the work is all finished and the dishes are all done. But the only urgent, God is reminding me, is to be filled daily with His life and love, and to pour that love back out upon others. Amen, Jesus.